THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Negotiate Options
Posted: April 6, 2015
I attended a joyful celebration this past weekend, a wedding shower. The evening was electric with laughter, games and anticipation for a glorious marriage. I made a point of sitting with several “older” women who had been married for a long time and I wanted to hear why their marriages had been so successful over the years.
Firstly, let me say that we all agreed it was more difficult to maintain a healthy marriage these days because of all the distractions, options, wants and yes…selfishness. But here are some of the things we discussed that helped to maintain the friendship, love and companionship in a marriage.
- Going into the marriage agreeing: “divorce is simply not an option.” There is no plan “B”, it only plan “A”. (There is a disclaimer for abusive marriages).
- Letting go of some selfish expectations. For example: One woman told me she had expectations of what their honeymoon week would look like. Her husband had other ideas that were quite foreign to her (i.e. long difficult hikes, skiing and outdoor adventures), but she went along with it because she wanted to explore other options and let her new husband know this was going to be a “give and take relationship”.
- Making time to do things together. The alternative is that each partner begins to do their “own thing” and before you know it you are leading separate lives. I believe most of us into marriages looking for companionship. Making this work takes time.
- Negotiate Options. This was my favorite point of discussion because this is something that my husband and I do regularly and it works for us. Here is what it might look like.
Many of my readers are involved in the business world and have learned to negotiate options with regard to running a company or any other organization. We love options! We stand in front of a Coffee Counter and take forever the read the menu board because we love all the options. The best part of going to a new restaurant is reading the menu because the options are all so appealing.
So infuse that type of thinking into your marriage. The world is a menu board for activities, careers, places to live, churches to attend and chores around the house. Take the options and make them work satisfactorily for both you and your husband.
For example: This past Easter weekend Jack and I had endless options. Yard work, entertaining, eating out, golfing, me working on my ministry, different church attendances times, watching the Final 4 Basketball playoffs and a myriad of other interests. So we sit down and start to negotiate. I will work in the yard with you for 4 hours, and then I will work on my computer, if you will wash my car. You watch the Final 4 Playoffs and I will make supper if you will sweep out the garage. I will make lunch if you will take out the garbage. And so it goes. We discuss, lay out our options, negotiate and all our work gets done and we are both fulfilled and happy.
It is so important to sit down and discuss options so that life stays fair and we all stay fulfilled and joyful. It’s not that hard. Try it!
