UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“Broken or Blended – Part 2”
Posted: October 2, 2011
Strangely enough whether a second marriage is the product of divorce or death, they are indeed different but both are painful. When a spouse has died the marriage is still painful but somewhatl easier because everyone involved does not have to deal with rejection. Blended families that emerge out of divorce, have to deal with anger, rejection, disappointment, regrets, resentment…only to mention a few. In both cases, the blending of families in a second or third marriage is hard, because change is hard.
One of the greatest gifts you can give you new blended family is:
1. Make sure you have dealt with your own painful issues so that you are not dragging a lot of baggage into this new relationship.
2. Acknowledge that other people involved may still be suffering with any of the emotions I listed above.
3. Be aware and willing to help the members of the family to find whatever healing they need to feel loved, accepted and valued as a member of these new dynamics.
4. Realize that each person will have verbalized, or non-verbalized expectations. How often do we hear?
• “I thought she would have… ”
• “I can’t believe they didn’t… ”
•Can you believe they never… ”
• “I wish they would stop… ”
• “I hope they will start… ”.
In spite of all your obstacles there are simple, everyday values you can integrate into your new family. It is never too late to start making your home a tangible expression of your desire to blend your families. There are small, yet significant everyday things we can all do to make our homes a haven of love and joy, instead of conflict.
a. Laughter is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. Laughter covers wounds and causes us to forget trivial offenses. Choose to find ways to make your family laugh.
b. Family meal times are a magical, powerful way to bring families closer together. When we take the time to slow down, connect with each other and actually talk to each other, it will build bridges instead of making children feeling unloved or abandoned. A great way to start a conversation around the table is to ask: “What was the best part of your day?”
c. Get into that family closet and bring out the board games or puzzles. At first you might hear some groans, but games have the potential to bring more healing than weeks of counseling.
d. Everyone can take the time to stop at an ice cream shop, take a walk and talk about the difficulties of the day. The important aspect is to spend time onne-on-one.
e. Turn off that TV and get everyone away from their computers or technical devices—at least for a short period of time. There is no other way to blend relationships than to spend valuable time together.
f. Walk the dog—together.
g. Take the children on overnight excursions on an individual basis. Get to really know them, their hurts and desires. When we know someone is really listening to us, we will feel valued.
h. Show up when someone is hurting and needs to talk. Just be there!
It may not always be easy, but it can be wonderful. You, the grown-ups; parents, need to take responsibility for modeling family values of loving and accepting each other in the same way that Jesus Christ has accepted you and me with all my sins and baggage. “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Rom. 15:7, NIV). Maybe not the Brady Bunch, but perhaps you can create your own unique, beautiful blended family.5 Ways the Brady Bunch Could Have Used Twitter” & URL ( http://www.internetservice.net/2011/5-ways-the-brady-bunch-could-have-used-twitter/
For more detailed information, please refer to my book SAND TO PEARLS: Making BOLD Choices to Enrich Your life, Chapter 5.
