Blog: Conflict
Posted: June 13, 2015
Asking good questions and find truth about other people’s actions is crucial for our happiness. If we harbour faulty accusations of “why” someone did or said something, it can build resentment and destroy a relationship. One of the greatest tools of the enemy (also called the Accuser) is to implant faulty accusations and then divide and conquer. If Satan can destroy our marriages and families, that destruction can filter down into our churches, communities, schools and government. Everywhere. Faulty accusations usually start small, and then take on a life of their own. For example: You tell your spouse you need a new kitchen appliance or a new patio set. His answer is simply “No.” You are annoyed and in your mind you accuse him of being stingy, small minded and uncaring. The next time you are with your girlfriends you tell them how he doesn’t care about your needs. Your…
Posted in: accusations, Assumptions, communicate, companionship, Conflict, Expectations, faulty thinking, Finding Truth, Good Marriage, Harmony, honest, intimacy destroyer, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Resentment, satan, Understanding each other
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Posted: March 3, 2015
There is one interruption that I know would put a huge smile on my face. Imagine this. It’s my birthday coming up and my husband gives me a simple card and an umbrella. Inside the card it says this. “I hear it rains in Paris at this time of the year.” It would take me but a minute to go down into the basement and get my suitcase. Most interruptions are not pleasant and come at inopportune times and have the possibility to wreck our ideal life. I’m not talking about the little annoyances like running out of gas in the middle of winter or spilling coffee all over your new white shirt. I’m talking about interruptions that change the course of our hopes and dreams. For Instance: One of your unemployed children is moving back home. You just discovered that your spouse is addicted to pornography. Your children are…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Conflict, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Laughter, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, pornography, power of words
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Posted: November 1, 2014
For the month of November my home church, Trinity Baptist in Kelowna, reaches out to the community with intentional acts of kindness. As I was writing an article about the different ways we can show kindness, I scoured my mind for creative and radical ways to show kindness throughout our city. One intentional act of kindness I always do is pay for the person behind me when I go to Wendy’s drive through for their Supreme Taco salad. I love driving away and wondering what the person behind me must be thinking. “Why in the world would that woman in front of me do that? I wonder what she’s up to? I always drive away fast enough so that they never catch up to me or find out. I love the intrigue knowing I have brought delight into someone’s life. This morning was my time to clean out all the…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, companionship, Conflict, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Laughter, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, power of words, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: September 24, 2014
I saw a newscast video on CNN last week that showed a young boy standing by the side of the road holding a sign that said, “I hit little girls.” The boy’s dad used this cruel masquerade as punishment for bad behavior. When the mom found out what was going on she was rightfully furious. She protested because she knew this would cause her son immense shame for the rest of his life. She also hinted at the fact that the dad was doing to his son that which had been done to him. Shame, if not dealt with, gets passed on. As you are reading this you might suggest shame does not apply to you, but let me assure you that shame is universal. Blaming, gossiping, name calling, bullying are behaviors that have permeated our culture. We all have it in some degree and the greatest antidote to destroying…
Posted in: Communication, Conflict, Control, Differences, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, intimacy destroyer, Listening, love, power of words, secrets, Tension, Understanding each other
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Posted: August 15, 2014
I get all warm and tingly when I find a gorgeous pair of designer shoes at 70% off the last sale price. Or, if I find out that one of my articles is being published and I’m actually going to get paid for it. But that glow quickly evaporates over the next couple of hours or days. I’m not “in love with the shoes or articles”; they just give me a lovely jolt of temporary bliss. But I’m afraid we might expect that same kind of pleasure rush in our relationships and it may be our gauge for determining whether or not we are in love. We live in a very selfish and pleasure seeking world and I think we have confused the definition of love. “Love is directed outward toward others and not inward toward ourselves. It is not a feeling but a decision to meet others’ needs.” So if…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Commitment, Communication, Conflict, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, God' Love, Good Marriage, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: August 4, 2014
I hear this statement too often, “My husband/wife came home last night and told me he/she wants a divorce because she/he doesn’t love me anymore.” I flinch when I hear that sentence. Those words carry a train wreck of rejection, feelings of worthlessness and possibly the loss of a marriage, family and beautiful history. Today I want to give you fresh hope, because I believe we do not fall in and out of love. My husband Jack and I attended a 50th anniversary celebration this weekend and throughout the evening I was again reminded about reality and power of love. We are smart enough to know that throughout this 50 year period there were difficult times and hurtful things were said where that loving feeling probably flew out the window. Just days before my own daughter got married I clearly remember saying to her, “Sweetie, you need to know that…
Posted in: Boring marriage, Commitment, companionship, Conflict, dopamine, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Harmony, Hope, Intimacy, love, Making Wise Choices, messes, Overcoming Struggles, Pleasure, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: September 28, 2013
We all have a dark side. Sexual scandals are rampant. Anthony Weiner, a former U.S representative and candidate for the mayoral race in New York is now called a “Sexter”. This was the second time he was caught in a sex scandal and it has probably ruined his reputation and career. Bob Filner, the 35th mayor of San Diego just stepped down, in disgrace, from his office after eleven women came forward and alleged he was a “serial sexual harasser.” Jerry Sandusky, the retired football coach who was an idol to thousands of young boys and men, is now in jail for being a “convicted serial child molester”. What a tragedy. Lives ruined forever. These men were exposed for their dark side. Many people are still seeped in their secret, destructive, addictive lives. If this is part of your story in your marriage…run for help. None of us can be…
Posted in: Communication, companionship, Conflict, counsellor, God' Love, Good Marriage, love, Making Wise Choices, messes, Pain Pleasure, Pleasure, pornography, Prayer, secrets, SEX, technology, Valued
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Posted: September 6, 2013
Books can’t prepare you for this. Life is just not perfect. Real marriage starts when you wake up with someone day after day, through the laughter and the stomach flu; that you really find out who this” other person” is. While we are in the dating and “chemical stage” (pleasure chemicals flowing through our bodies) we don’t really let people know the authentic, and even darker sides of our personality. I had the great pleasure of observing a 21 year marriage recently, where the husband and wife have learned to cohabitate in chaos and in peace. The husband is stimulated by chaos. What I mean by that is that his office looks like the aftermath of a hurricane, yet he knows where everything is and everything gets all his work done successfully. While is he on his phone he is also able to fix machinery, empty a dishwasher, check invoices…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Boring marriage, chaos, Commitment, companionship, Conflict, Differences, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, Respect, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: August 17, 2013
This summer I took the time to watch some reality T.V. about lavish weddings and wedding dresses. I saw snippets of Say YES to the Dress, Four Weddings, and Bridezillas. Some comments that made my jaw drop were: “Ever since I was a little girls I dreamed about having this….You can’t deprive me of this.” “It’s my day and you WILL wear this bridesmaid dress.” “I had to fire my first wedding planner because she wasn’t getting daddy to approve all my wishes.” “Daddy you’re breaking my heart because you know how much I want this. This is supposed to be MY perfect day.” To me it all sounded like these brides were preparing for the biggest, most fun and extravagant event of their lives. How many of us took the time to play the movie forward as to what this marriage would look like in the next 10-15 years….
Posted in: 5 things, Assumptions, Commitment, Communication, companionship, Conflict, Expectations, God' Love, Good Marriage, Harmony, Intimacy, Kindness, Listening, love, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, power of words, Understanding each other, wedding day, weddings
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Posted: August 5, 2013
Laughter cuts tension and breaks down barriers. I observed this concept in my own children when they were little. I watched them play, and then fight, and then laugh hilariously about something silly. In the aftermath of that refreshing laughter, they completely forgot they were mad at each other. This concept still applies to us grown-ups. Life can get very serious these days and we desperately need to learn to laugh again. Yes, the butterflies of early romance quickly flutter away, but they can be replaced by something more substantive. In a New York Times article i. entitled Reinventing Date Night for Long-Married Couples, the writer concludes that “Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a relationship from getting stale.” We’ve all heard the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt’ and I also believe that none of us want to become that “old boring couple”. I am passionate…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Boring marriage, Communication, companionship, Conflict, dopamine, Encouragement, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, fUN, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Laughter, Norepinephrine, Pleasure, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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