Blog: Expectations
Posted: August 4, 2024
Disappointments are part of every day life. We didn’t get that parking spot, the food didn’t match up to the price, and your flight was delayed or cancelled. The new outfit doesn’t look as great as you thought and the summer company you were excited about ended up causing chaos. Often we glibly say: “We need to just get over it.” But disappointments can leave us mildly irritated or they can crush our soul. Because there are disappointments that are life changing. They may not be a death but it actually feels like it. The Doctor told you it was multiple myeloma or brain tumour, you find out your grandchild is addicted to drugs or gambling, you discover your business is going bankrupt and you will lose the house you love. Your spouse tells you he/she don’t love you anymore. Those disappointments are like a death. I’ve talked to many…
Posted in: anxiety, chaos, crisis, cry, darkness, death, decisions, depression, despair, disappointments, empathy, empty soul, Expectations, feeling bad, Finding Truth, focus, friends, grief, lamenting, listen, mourn, Overcoming Struggles, relationships, seasons of darkness, sympathy, thankful, trouble, weeping
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Posted: February 13, 2022
We long to hear God’s voice. I know I do. When we come to a fork in the road, or moment of crisis we cry out to God and would love to see a banner in the sky, or hear the audible voice of God. Especially these days we hunger to hear God’s voice. Is it right to take the vaccination or not? Is this the right job for me? Is this the time to get pregnant again? So many questions and we need answers. When we are in relationship with someone we enter into each other’s space and we speak to each other. When we have a personal relationship with God, He wants to speak to us. That is what a relationship is all about. In Genesis God spoke the world into existence and in Revelations God spoke to the apostle John about the end times. You and I…
Posted in: ask God, Christ in us, crisis, decisions, Expectations, God's promises, God's voice, Hearing God, Making Wise Choices, mind of Christ, Overcoming Struggles, relationships
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Posted: January 9, 2022
Apparently I sigh a lot. My daughter Michelle informed me of this as I huddled over a very difficult 1000 piece COKE puzzle during the Christmas holidays. Of course I was sighing, this was a seemingly impossible task. But my sighing turned into joy when another piece found its place. Eventually, by asking for help and calling in the troops, the puzzle was completed and we cheered and clapped. I know puzzles are a frivolous example, but there are a lot of hardships to sigh about right now. Reading the heartbreaking news of over 1000 homes burnt to the ground in Colorado, the new Omicron variant, harsh winter where I live and tragedy everywhere. Just this week I’ve received news of two more dear people graduating into Heaven. So much sadness. So much sighing. I love the comfort of the verses in Psalm 5:1 “Give ear to my words, O LORD,…
Posted in: adversity, anxiety, ask for help, ask God, breathing, disappointments, disasters, Expectations, feeling good, God's promises, grief, hurting world, mourn, Omicron, Overcoming Struggles, pray, Prayer, sighing, sighs, waiting
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Posted: August 30, 2020
It was time for me to grab my gardening gloves, water bottle and hat and give back to my church and community. My beloved home church, Trinity Church Kelowna, was gifted 23 acres of land that has been transformed into magnificent vegetable gardens to supply food for our Food Bank and many other organizations. Volunteers do most of the immense work and I knew it was time for me giddy-up and get out there to help. Giddy-up and get out there. Yes I was on my knees for almost two hours, and it’s tedious work, but when I was done I felt satisfied and fulfilled. I wanted to be a blessing but a double portion of blessing came back to me. Here’s what happened: I “got to” spend almost two hours with a friend, across from each other picking tomatoes and having the most delightful conversations. As we finished, we…
Posted in: alone, anger, blessings, community gardens, Expectations, Forgiveness, Freedom, fresh joy, friends, happy, joy, marriage, Overcoming Struggles, sowing and reaping, thankful, what goes around comes around
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Posted: July 12, 2020
How many times have you heard: “We were going to ….and then Covid .” For months we’ve had constant disappointments and spent a lot of time waiting for something new and wonderful to happen. Waiting for our hair appointment, our favourite store to open its doors, waiting for our first hug and news of when borders will open again. Waiting can be difficult especially when we’re constantly disappointed. I’m tired of waiting for something to happen, I want to enjoy the sweetness of these long-awaited summer days. If the familiar and comfortably predictable pathways are blocked, we have to find new ways to venture forward. What are you waiting for? While golfing with a friend this morning we talked about our present tumultuous world. I shared a verse that I’ve found extremely comforting and allows me to enjoy each day. “So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take…
Posted in: a nxious, anxious, Covid-19, Expectations, happiness, hugs, live one day at a time, Overcoming Struggles, serenity prayer, waiting, waiting is hard
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Posted: April 19, 2020
In the last month Amazon has run out of bread makers, we’ve pulled puzzles out of our closets and even stopped scoffing at paint by number projects. In my own family my granddaughter has taken to painting rocks, we’re learning German, canning pickles and there’s heated bread-baking competitions. During this harshly imposed isolation I am left to live alone. I’m an extrovert and I love being involved with people and events, and within a week all my speaking and travelling events were cancelled. My calendar was wiped clean. After gasping for air and realizing none of this was a joke I made a deliberate choice. This Covid-19 would not wreck me. First, I had to settle some truth and facts. In our family when there is an unexpected or unpleasant turn of events we use this phrase, “accept and allow.” To “accept” the Covid situation I had to be real…
Posted in: accept and allow, adversity, all alone, alone, anxiety, ask for help, be creative, Christ, companionship, Covid-19, crisis, decisions, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith, Families, Finding Truth, friends, heart of God, homes, isolation, Jesus, loneliness, love, make your bed, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, temporary, trouble, trust, trust Good, we need each other
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Posted: October 7, 2019
Living alone is hard, especially if you’ve always had someone by your side for a long time. Your body is jarred when your heart is exploding with joy and no one at home to share it with. Or, an unexpected bill arrives in the mail and now it’s up to you to handle it. You need to turn on the irrigation but don’t know where the knobs are, or you need to learn how to barbecue or change the filter in the furnace. In the almost three years of living alone, I’ve overcome all those frustrations and solitary adventures, but the aloneness is always there. I’m facilitating a group called Grief Share, where once again I’m confronted with the reality of people learning how to live alone. Some for the first time after fifty or sixty years. I ache for them and cry for them because this is hard. Now…
Posted in: alone, ask God, Christ, companionship, decisions, empty chair, Encouragement, Expectations, feeling good, friends, Friendship, happiness, havens, homes, hospitality, laughter, loneliness, Overcoming Struggles, pray, recapture your joy, relationships
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Posted: September 8, 2019
We don’t like lying, broken promises or unmet expectations. It’s hurtful, unfair and we feel betrayed. And it’s not nice or right. I know of a married couple that got a divorce because he broke the deal. The agreement was that if the wife had to pitch in and help with alimony payments, the marriage was done. That ended the marriage. Now they’re onto their third attempt for happiness. I also know of parents that have lied to their children, and it’s hard for the family to move on because trust has been broken. This hurt is justified and the human response is to withdraw and resist. But is this a deal-breaker? I often wonder the same thing. When we write/text encouragement and love notes and there is never a response. Do we continue? Is the “non-response” a deal breaker? When something gets too needy and tiresome or we feel over-burdened,…
Posted in: anger, betrayal, Christ, Conflict, deal-breaker, disappointments, emotional abuse, Expectations, Forgiveness, God's love, Jesus, love, physical abuse, sexual abuse, trust
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Posted: June 23, 2019
We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die. Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I’m a beaten up expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage. I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy. But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…
Posted in: Communication, Conflict, confront conflict, decisions, Expectations, faulty thinking, Forgiveness, Friendship, grief, happy, honest, intimacy destroyer, listen, Making Wise Choices, personalities, Resentment, suffering, Tension
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Posted: January 13, 2019
In our present “me first” generation how do we separate selfishness from self-compassion? Haven’t our last few decades erupted with some self-entitled children, and a society that is enamoured with happiness at all costs? Where did we go wrong? After all, the only thing we wanted was a happy life and happy children with solid self-esteem. Too often we felt the pain of disappointment and failure and wanted to protect our children from experiencing those devastating feelings at all costs. So everyone wins. Everyone gets a trophy. Yayy, you’re a winner and entitled to feel that way. We’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy again. But, this creates selfishness. Yes, it’s extremely important how we play the game, but the fact remains that life is also about losing. We have to learn to lose, to feel rejected and disappointed. We don’t always get our way, everyone doesn’t always…
Posted in: disappointment, Expectations, fulfillment, God's love, happiness, happy, loneliness, love, perfection, relationships, self worth, Self-compassion, self-esteem, selfishness, suffering, vulnerable
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