Blog: Pain Pleasure
Posted: March 30, 2012
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Did we really sing and believe those words when we were young? Now that we’re all grown up we know the truth: that the bruises from the physical pain will go away, but the sting from hurtful words sear our hearts indefinitely. To this day there are words that still reverberate in my mind: “You’re not so hot!” “OOOWW…you’re so skinny.” ( I wish someone would say that to me today), or “You’re not smart enough.” For many years those words shaped my life. I had a crushing conversation with someone this week that precipitated me writing this blog. This conversation was with a man, in his mid forties who had just ended his 3rd marriage. As aghast as I was, I found my voice long enough to ask him why all these marriages ended, and had…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Power of the Tongue, Respect, Self-Control, Valued
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Posted: February 24, 2012
I could see it on his face. The uninterested, bored, glaringly unavailable demeanor that said, “Leave me alone.” I kept glancing over at this man looking for signs of interest; but also to observe to see how his wife was handling this evident, dead space. My husband Jack and I were out for an intimate, beautiful dinner at one of those restaurants where the linens are crisp, the goblets are gleaming and the service is impeccable. This was a place for cozy, friendly and loving conversation. I was hoping the couple beside us would also capture the essence of this gift, but the vacant space between them was tangibly strained. I was sensitive to this emotional vacancy because I had occasionally felt it in my first marriage. It’s a horribly, lonely and unloving atmosphere to be in; but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s the crazy part. It…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Prayer, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: January 20, 2012
There must be a bit of Cinderella syndrome in us. I confess that every once in a while I love to curl up with my duvet and watch several episodes of Say “yes” to the Dress. I know it’s corny; but there is something magical about watching a woman emerge from a dressing room in a vision of sequence, pearls, silk and layers of beading and stitched elegance. It’s what we envisioned, talked about, practiced from the time we were little girls. Even though we may have already experienced our own enchanted, glorious wedding day, we can still live vicariously through a T.V. show. Unfortunately getting our husbands to watch a show with endless wedding dresses was not part of his wedding vows when we exchanged promises to honor, cherish and obey. Neither did we agree to sign up for watching football three days a week. Don’t get me wrong;…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other
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Posted: January 14, 2012
When you get together with your girlfriends, what kind of picture do you paint of your husband? I ask this question because the answer to this may determine the type of authority and leadership your husband exercises in your marriage and home. I am saddened and horrified that I see an escalating movement on television commercials and sitcoms depicting men as stupid, lazy, and dumb. And we wonder why many men are relinquishing their God given authority of leadership in our homes and even churches and workplaces. We wonder why men are withdrawing and finding pleasure not in the marriages and families, but behind their toys, sports programs and recreational activities. The pictures we paint of our husband will have a unique and powerful effect on the way they respond to us. I realize I have opened a can of worms because this is a catch 22 situation. You, the…
Posted in: Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Respect, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: December 18, 2011
A number of years ago I had an insightful, explosive conversation with a group of men that I work with. It started out as a simple conversation about Christmas preparations. It got more specific as we started to define “what the women do, and the things men do to help out with all the responsibilities.” It got animated and intense as the men got defensive about helping out and then all of a sudden it got real quiet. One of the men made this statement, “I don’t do Christmas stuff; on Christmas morning I show up!” I had to breathe and tell myself, “Back up Heidi and walk away…walk away!” Generally speaking, for many women Christmas preparations have become an intense journey of “climbing the Christmas Hill.” It starts somewhere in November (or earlier if you’re more organized than I am) and begins with the climb towards completing all the…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: November 22, 2011
“What comes out of you when life squeezes you?” I think about that quite a bit actually, because I’ve had a bit of “squeezing” going on in my life. No matter how I act, or “fake it until I make it”…when life squeezes me, the REAL ME SHOWS UP! It’s not always pretty, but it is the truth. How does this reality affect your marriage; because life can be tough. © You find out a child has an addiction. © The balance in the bank account is so much lower than you anticipated. © You find out your spouse had an affair, or a friend deceived you. © Your career change is so much harder than anticipated. © Your spouse will not take on spiritual leadership. © You found pornographic sites on your spouse’s computer. © Some you love-dies. © You lost your job. © You got a life threatening…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Fear, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Obligations and Offenses, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: November 13, 2011
Women can be powerful, influential leaders in society; but especially in the home. From the time we were little girls, we have learned some tricks to getting what we want. We may have heard words like, “Oh my, Susie you are so pretty.” So we learn to use our beauty to entice and meet our needs. Or we may have heard, “You are so smart…athletic…creative…happy…”, and then we may have learned to use these power tools to manipulate people to provide things to make us happy or to feel better about ourselves. Manipulation in a marriage has the potential to be a deadly tool that may end up boomeranging and cause built up resentment and hostility in your marriage and family. Manipulation:I once heard a well known speaker/author-namely Beth Moore, say that “Anything we have to manipulate is rarely ours to keep.” Those words have been seared into my soul…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Fear, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: October 22, 2011
If you read my blog on a regular basis, you are familiar with my consistent inspiration to “show respect to your husband.” Yet, there is a yellow caution line that we need to be aware of; and that warning line is about knowing the difference between respect and enabling. This is where the danger lies. Women are natural nurturers and nurses. Many women feel it is their responsibility to make sure everyone and everything in life runs according to her inner, visual blueprint of life. Let me explain the difference: Respect: The bible tells us in Ephesians 5:33 “…and the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband-obeying, praising and honoring him.” We can give people respect when we see and acknowledge their God given characteristics and potential to grow and become more like Christ. We show them respect so that it will “call out” their inner…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Expectations, False Belief Systems, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: October 2, 2011
Strangely enough whether a second marriage is the product of divorce or death, they are indeed different but both are painful. When a spouse has died the marriage is still painful but somewhatl easier because everyone involved does not have to deal with rejection. Blended families that emerge out of divorce, have to deal with anger, rejection, disappointment, regrets, resentment…only to mention a few. In both cases, the blending of families in a second or third marriage is hard, because change is hard. One of the greatest gifts you can give you new blended family is: 1. Make sure you have dealt with your own painful issues so that you are not dragging a lot of baggage into this new relationship. 2. Acknowledge that other people involved may still be suffering with any of the emotions I listed above. 3. Be aware and willing to help the members of the family…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: September 18, 2011
I attended a beautiful, outdoor wedding ceremony this weekend. Tucked among tall poplar, birch and evergreen trees was a beautiful white archway wrapped in morning glory and rich, flowered vines. Underneath this serene, sacred enchanting portico, a man and a beautiful woman said, “I do.” This was a second marriage for both of them. A second chance. A new beginning. What joy to know that God gives us second chances for a beautiful life. My ears were perked. I wanted to pay close attention to the words that the clergy woman was saying; I wanted to hear the words of encouragement she would give for making a second marriage thrive. I have also been married for the second time and I am a great advocate for making it work the second time around. After all, who wants to go through more, uninvited pain? Then I heard the words that resonated…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Fear, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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