Blog: Resentment
Posted: January 27, 2012
My husband is the pastor to the 55 and older generation in our local church. Every year there is a celebration for those who have been married 50, 60 or 70 years. I listen intently to the stories of “how their marriages stayed together for all those years.” I need to glean their practical, lived out in real life…wisdom. There is something so incredibly beautiful about an older couple walking along holdings hands and still smiling at each other. After talking to many of them over the years, I have learned that their original endorphin, chemically induced feelings of “falling in love” took on different dimensions over the years. It went from “feeling” of love to “being” in love. The transitional word is the word “ACTION.” Here is how some of them describe it: 1. Learning to look past the daily irritations. We all have irritating habits. Why are his…
Posted in: Beauty through Boldness, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Forgiveness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Resentment, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: January 6, 2012
This message is not for the faint of heart. But if you are on a quest to radically enrich your marriage and family relationships; proceed with caution and equip yourself with a willing and eager attitude. I am not an advocate of New Year’s resolutions; but I am a big believer in the fact that our life’s journey is enriched when we are willing to embrace that we need to constantly “learn and unlearn”. Here is one guaranteed way to achieve this. Every News Years Day my husband and I go for a long “New Years Walk”. On this sojourn we talk about the previous year; the blessings, joys, celebrations and what worked and what did not work. Then we move on to our hopes, dreams, desires for the coming year. We also discuss practical items; that we need a new dishwasher and we will probably have to replace the…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Fear, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: December 18, 2011
A number of years ago I had an insightful, explosive conversation with a group of men that I work with. It started out as a simple conversation about Christmas preparations. It got more specific as we started to define “what the women do, and the things men do to help out with all the responsibilities.” It got animated and intense as the men got defensive about helping out and then all of a sudden it got real quiet. One of the men made this statement, “I don’t do Christmas stuff; on Christmas morning I show up!” I had to breathe and tell myself, “Back up Heidi and walk away…walk away!” Generally speaking, for many women Christmas preparations have become an intense journey of “climbing the Christmas Hill.” It starts somewhere in November (or earlier if you’re more organized than I am) and begins with the climb towards completing all the…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: November 22, 2011
“What comes out of you when life squeezes you?” I think about that quite a bit actually, because I’ve had a bit of “squeezing” going on in my life. No matter how I act, or “fake it until I make it”…when life squeezes me, the REAL ME SHOWS UP! It’s not always pretty, but it is the truth. How does this reality affect your marriage; because life can be tough. © You find out a child has an addiction. © The balance in the bank account is so much lower than you anticipated. © You find out your spouse had an affair, or a friend deceived you. © Your career change is so much harder than anticipated. © Your spouse will not take on spiritual leadership. © You found pornographic sites on your spouse’s computer. © Some you love-dies. © You lost your job. © You got a life threatening…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Fear, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Obligations and Offenses, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: November 13, 2011
Women can be powerful, influential leaders in society; but especially in the home. From the time we were little girls, we have learned some tricks to getting what we want. We may have heard words like, “Oh my, Susie you are so pretty.” So we learn to use our beauty to entice and meet our needs. Or we may have heard, “You are so smart…athletic…creative…happy…”, and then we may have learned to use these power tools to manipulate people to provide things to make us happy or to feel better about ourselves. Manipulation in a marriage has the potential to be a deadly tool that may end up boomeranging and cause built up resentment and hostility in your marriage and family. Manipulation:I once heard a well known speaker/author-namely Beth Moore, say that “Anything we have to manipulate is rarely ours to keep.” Those words have been seared into my soul…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Fear, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: November 6, 2011
I had a fascinating encounter with one of my colleagues last week. As I walked by his work area I saw him pulling items out of his lunch cooler and describing each item to a customer. The encounter looked so intriguing that I was curious to see what all the fuss was about. I went up to his counter and say, “So Colin (not his real name), what’s going on here?” His face lit up and he could hardly wait to show me his lunch. “Look at these barbecued ribs, a salad with homemade dressing on the side and real bacon bits. And look, here are roasted potatoes, a drink, cutlery, salt and pepper and a little dessert.” My mouth hung open and I said, “Wow, you go to a lot of trouble with your lunches.” “Oh no”, he responded, “My wife always packs my lunch. She’s amazing!” Now my…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Freedom from Busyness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Patience, Resentment, Respect, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: October 22, 2011
If you read my blog on a regular basis, you are familiar with my consistent inspiration to “show respect to your husband.” Yet, there is a yellow caution line that we need to be aware of; and that warning line is about knowing the difference between respect and enabling. This is where the danger lies. Women are natural nurturers and nurses. Many women feel it is their responsibility to make sure everyone and everything in life runs according to her inner, visual blueprint of life. Let me explain the difference: Respect: The bible tells us in Ephesians 5:33 “…and the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband-obeying, praising and honoring him.” We can give people respect when we see and acknowledge their God given characteristics and potential to grow and become more like Christ. We show them respect so that it will “call out” their inner…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Expectations, False Belief Systems, Finding Truth, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Making Wise Choices, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Respect, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: October 2, 2011
Strangely enough whether a second marriage is the product of divorce or death, they are indeed different but both are painful. When a spouse has died the marriage is still painful but somewhatl easier because everyone involved does not have to deal with rejection. Blended families that emerge out of divorce, have to deal with anger, rejection, disappointment, regrets, resentment…only to mention a few. In both cases, the blending of families in a second or third marriage is hard, because change is hard. One of the greatest gifts you can give you new blended family is: 1. Make sure you have dealt with your own painful issues so that you are not dragging a lot of baggage into this new relationship. 2. Acknowledge that other people involved may still be suffering with any of the emotions I listed above. 3. Be aware and willing to help the members of the family…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty through Boldness, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Tension, Uncategorized, Understanding each other, Valued
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Posted: September 18, 2011
I attended a beautiful, outdoor wedding ceremony this weekend. Tucked among tall poplar, birch and evergreen trees was a beautiful white archway wrapped in morning glory and rich, flowered vines. Underneath this serene, sacred enchanting portico, a man and a beautiful woman said, “I do.” This was a second marriage for both of them. A second chance. A new beginning. What joy to know that God gives us second chances for a beautiful life. My ears were perked. I wanted to pay close attention to the words that the clergy woman was saying; I wanted to hear the words of encouragement she would give for making a second marriage thrive. I have also been married for the second time and I am a great advocate for making it work the second time around. After all, who wants to go through more, uninvited pain? Then I heard the words that resonated…
Posted in: Beauty from the Inside Out, Beauty Unleashed, Communication, Encouragement, Expectations, Fear, Forgiveness, Good Marriage, Hope, Intimacy, Pain Pleasure, Patience, Resentment, Uncategorized, Understanding each other
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Posted: September 5, 2011
Just in the last week several people have died because they were distracted while driving a motor vehicle. Recent statistics show that many motor vehicle accidents are no longer due to alcohol; but because the driver is distracted. Some of the distractions listed were, of all things, watching TV, texting, on the phone, reading or just not paying attention. Bottom line; because of a distraction they died. Our marriages are bombarded with that same game of jeopardy. When we recognize that this little piece of wires and plastic, (our cell phones, iPads or computers) takes precedence over “eyeball to eyeball” conversations, we’re on our way to a marriage wreck. I have witnessed couples out on a dinner date and the husband (or wife) looking at the top of each other’s heads as they are clicking away on text messages or checking their e-mails or Face book messages. Really, can this…
Posted in: Balancing life, Beauty from the Inside Out, Communication, Control, Encouragement, Expectations, Finding Truth, Forgiveness, Freedom from Busyness, Friendship, Good Marriage, Intimacy, Kindness, Life of Jesus, Making Wise Choices, Overcoming Struggles, Overwhelmed and Undervalued, Pain Pleasure, Resentment, Tension, Understanding each other, Valued
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