A K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“It’s About Time”
Posted: February 13, 2015
How can we bulletproof our marriages in a culture that is too busy to spend intimate time with the people we love? Rick Warren in his best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” says that the way to spell LOVE is T.I.M.E. I totally agree!
Last weekend I had the privilege and JOY to speak to a group of families with young children about taking TIME to re-connect with our spouses and children. Let me share my points:
T. TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN
It’s time to lay down our technology; look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversation. We also need to dig down behind the words and our emotions to find out what the other person is really saying. For example, when a wife says: “Don’t touch me”, it could mean: “You said you would take out the garbage last night and you didn’t do it …again.” Or: “You said you would help put the children to bed but you worked late again.”
We need to STOP and take the time to say: “Tell me what you really meant.” You will be amazed at the real story behind the encrypted words
I. INVEST IN A GOOD STORY
I am a book junkie. When I am on vacation and find a great book, I might still have the lights on and be reading at 2:00 in the morning. I find such great adventure and pleasure in a well-written and engaging narrative.
You and I are created with a craving for pleasure. We need to experience this feeling in our relationships and marriages, and it not just going to happen randomly. We need to take the time and be intentional about creating good stories and pleasure in our marriages and families. For example: A number of years ago one of my sons-in-law created a mystery trip for his family, and included us in the planning stages. He started out by packing everyone’s bags and telling them to get into the car to get ready for a trip. The family had no idea where they were going. Along the way the family members were given clues, but the mystery did not unfold until they reached their destination. Finally they arrived at a ski resort where we all enjoyed each other for a whole weekend.
If I don’t like the first 2 or 3 chapters of a book, I will usually put it down. I don’t want to waste my time on something that has no value. Be aware that this might be the same feeling people have in their marriages. In order to find the pleasure, spouses may pull away form the marriage or family in order to find something else that gives them the adventure they are looking for
But: there is a disclaimer here – It’s all about balance, it can’t just be about “pleasure seeking”, it has to be healthy, uplifting, enjoyable adventures that benefit the body and the family.
M. MOVE FROM FEELING TO DOING
When we get hurt, angry, or overlooked, we can’t stay in that “mad place”. Those injured feelings will build up resentment and toxins that will eventually hurt us. We have to take the TIME to stop and move from our feelings to doing something about them. We have to stop and listen to the nudging of the Holy Spirit to talk about the issue to resolve the hurt, offer forgiveness or realize it wasn’t enough of an issue to cause dissention and then let it go.
E. EXPECT THE BEST AND ACCEPT THE WORST
In any intimate relationship we have to take the time to build each other up, draw out our gifts, abilities and help each other to become all that Jesus Christ designed us to be. In the same way that iron sharpens iron, we need each other to “sharpen each other” to be our very best. But we have to remember that none of us are perfect, and when the other person makes a mistake we have to get off our high horse and show grace to each other. When the rest of the world judges or criticizes us, we need our spouse to protect us and be in our corner.
All of these suggestions take TIME, but they will bulletproof our marriages and give us the pleasure, intimacy and love we are all looking for.
