Posted: September 18, 2011
I attended a beautiful, outdoor wedding ceremony this weekend. Tucked among tall poplar, birch and evergreen trees was a beautiful white archway wrapped in morning glory and rich, flowered vines. Underneath this serene, sacred enchanting portico, a man and a beautiful woman said, “I do.” This was a second marriage for both of them. A second chance. A new beginning. What joy to know that God gives us second chances for a beautiful life.
My ears were perked. I wanted to pay close attention to the words that the clergy woman was saying; I wanted to hear the words of encouragement she would give for making a second marriage thrive. I have also been married for the second time and I am a great advocate for making it work the second time around. After all, who wants to go through more, uninvited pain? Then I heard the words that resonated in my heart, “you must give unselfish love.” Wow, that’s a truck load of information in one simple sentence. If we thought we had to give unselfish love the first time around; it will be even harder the second time around. Because:
And that’s what it’s all about…love. The TV show The Brady Bunch was a lie. It has led us to believe that blending two families is an easy, fun and smooth process. It isn’t. Building any family takes work and effort.
So what does “unselfish love” look like in a second marriage? Life is always about making bold choices to make something work. No matter what situation we are in, the hardest decision we have to make is that we must choose to accept each other the way we are. The Bible shows exactly how this works. “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Romans 14:7 NIV).
So accepting one another just the way we are is the hardest and most “unselfish love” we can give each other. It’s hard when all of a sudden two families are thrust together in one home and the underlying, unspoken statement is, “Ok, now we’re one family and we have to love each other.” Not easy to do. Accepting each other can mean:
Accepting each other is one of the greatest gifts you can give to grow a beautiful, healthy blended family. It is hard work but it can be done very successfully. It will take a lot of “unselfish love”, something you may not be prepared to do or want to do; that’s why it’s called UNSELFISH.
Next week I will talk about things a family can do to blend a second marriage; beautifully!
For more information on a second marriage, please read Chapter 6 in my book SAND TO PEARLS: Making BOLD Choices to enrich your life.