UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE- “Change the Picture”
Posted: January 14, 2012
When you get together with your girlfriends, what kind of picture do you paint of your husband? I ask this question because the answer to this may determine the type of authority and leadership your husband exercises in your marriage and home. I am saddened and horrified that I see an escalating movement on television commercials and sitcoms depicting men as stupid, lazy, and dumb. And we wonder why many men are relinquishing their God given authority of leadership in our homes and even churches and workplaces. We wonder why men are withdrawing and finding pleasure not in the marriages and families, but behind their toys, sports programs and recreational activities.
The pictures we paint of our husband will have a unique and powerful effect on the way they respond to us. I realize I have opened a can of worms because this is a catch 22 situation. You, the reader may be thinking right now that your husband is all those things I listed above, and he does not deserve to have a great picture painted of him. You can’t wait to get together with your girlfriends to unleash all the things he is NOT doing for you. But I continue to say that the picture we paint of them will determine who they eventually will become.
Last night (January 13th, 2012) I was fascinated by the interview Piers Morgan conducted with Mark Wahlberg. Mark is an actor, film producer, former rapper, former prisoner, Oscar winner and husband and father of 4 children. Mark was very open about his faith and he probably shocked the whole nation when he openly declared that he goes to “church every morning and prays for fifteen to twenty minutes. He shared that this gives him the strength and power to make good choices throughout the day. He also painted a gorgeous picture of his wife and children. Through his words he upheld her with love, beauty and respect. I will guarantee that any woman that hears that kind of picture painted of her, will do everything in her power to be that woman. So how we do that in our homes?
Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Did we start painting weak pictures of men because they are weak; or did we emasculate them through the way we treat and depict them? Whatever the answer is; TODAY is the date we can do something about it. Be assured; if you have painted a bad picture of your husband with your friends, family or even your home, this communication will come back to him. This picture will be absorbed into his brain and, over time, he will eventually become who you painted him to be. “If that’s what she thinks of me; why even bother?”
If you want your husband to take authority and leadership in your home, stop making him feel inadequate and stop controlling all his authority. There are two (2) things that your husband feared when he married you.
1. That he would be inadequate.
2. That he would be controlled by you.
I fully believe that you and I both want a husband who will take care of us, treat us with love and beauty. You and God have the ability and power to make him into that man by the pictures you paint of him.
In my first marriage, my husband did not exercise the kind of leadership that I needed and I believe that over time I emasculated him and his authority. Once I realized that I had done that, I began to pray. Almost every day I prayed that:
1. First of all God would teach me “how to love him the way he needed to be loved.”
2. That I would treat him with respect.
3. That I would not take over his authority; but to let him reap his own consequences of his mistakes.
4. That I would not control him.
5. That would not paint a bad picture of him and make him feel inadequate.
What is the visual picture you have of your husband right now? If it’s not the picture you want or need; then repaint it into which you need him to be. With your prayers, love and support and repainting the picture, OVER TIME, I believe he will become “your man!”
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Hard to hear but very true
Thank you Peggy. It is hard and we can’t change the whole perception of men, but we can change our own home. That is where you and I have a lot of influence.
Bless you in your endeavors.