UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE-“Falling in Love All Over Again”
Posted: June 12, 2012
“Whenever you were in a crowded room, your eyes would lock into an almost shameful, blushing, intimate exchange. You laughed at everything. The hours couldn’t move fast enough before you could see each other again. He listened to every word you said and you felt beautiful, treasured and safe. Then he asked you to marry him and you couldn’t believe you would spend the rest of your life with this tender, loving, brilliant and caring man.”
For many marriages those feelings and memories seem like sepia prints of an old, long forgotten movie. Your marriage has become more of a business arrangement scheduling the next meeting, family gathering or appointment. “Who will pick up the children at day care?” “Can you stop and pick up some milk and eggs after work?” “When are you going golfing this week?” “Don’t forget we need to be at the Browns on Friday night at 6:00…try to be on time.” Now it’s all about requests, schedule and demands. The lingering, intimate conversations have turned into impersonal staccato sentences.
We don’t just “fall out of love.” We have to understand that Love is not a feeling…it is an action. I don’t believe you fell out of love, I believe you fell out of “like.” God is love, when we love, it is the essence of God in our life. It doesn’t come and go…it just IS. Through our deliberate actions we can determinedly learn to love each other again. I know this for an absolute fact.
I’m not going to give you 10 – 12 steps on how to fall in love again, but I will ask you some thought provoking and probing questions about both of you. But you have to remember that: you can’t change him, but you can change yourself so that he will again see you as the person he fell in love with. Bring the fun and excitement back into your relationship.
1. What were your motives for marrying this man? Was it because you were afraid to grow old alone, or because you wanted to prove to your family and the world that you were worthy to be married? Or: did you choose to love him for the rest of your life?
2. Now that you have him, are you still the fun, interesting and attractive person you were when you were dating? Is he? What happened?
3. Have you become more like comfortable room-mates; letting the routine of life make you boring?
4. Do you still have the kind of home that both of you enjoy coming “home” to? Or, is it filled with tension, anger and endless “to do lists?”
5. Are you “not in the mood” too often?
6. Now that you “have him”…are you still interested in his sports teams and the sports equipment lying all over the garage floor?
7. Do you pursue YOUR passions?
8. Does he not give you the attention you need and make you feel beautiful anymore? Don’t wait for him to unleash your beauty; YOU take the time to exercise and make yourself attractive so that you will feel beautiful again? When you exude beauty, you will feel better about yourself and he will start to pay attention to you again.
9. When was the last time you asked him, “Are we happy? What can we do to make our marriage more meaningful, fulfilling and fun?”
10. What are the things that used to make you both laugh?
11. Do you pay more attention to the children than you do to him?
12. Have you become the “macho wife” that controls everything because things “just weren’t going your way?
13. Have you shut your husband out of your activities and conversations?
14. When you first met, what were the values and goals that you both shared? What has happened to them?
You see, we don’t just “fall out of love”. We get disappointed in the way things have turned out, we feel rejected or abandoned and start to nurture resentment. Then we build walls, start to carve out our own existence and perhaps become lonely. It’s time to break down the walls, pick up the broken pieces and begin to rebuild and restore something that at one time was obviously quite beautiful. God is love, and when we ask HIM to help us love again, I know He will give you the wisdom and desire to help you “fall in love all over again.”
