UNLEASHING THE K.I.S.S. MARRIAGE – Sticks and Stones
Posted: March 30, 2012
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Did we really sing and believe those words when we were young? Now that we’re all grown up we know the truth: that the bruises from the physical pain will go away, but the sting from hurtful words sear our hearts indefinitely. To this day there are words that still reverberate in my mind: “You’re not so hot!” “OOOWW…you’re so skinny.” ( I wish someone would say that to me today), or “You’re not smart enough.” For many years those words shaped my life.
I had a crushing conversation with someone this week that precipitated me writing this blog. This conversation was with a man, in his mid forties who had just ended his 3rd marriage. As aghast as I was, I found my voice long enough to ask him why all these marriages ended, and had he not…seen any red flags along the way? He proceeded to tell me the heartbreaking sagas of being so emotionally abused through negative, hurtful and crushing words, that at times he even considered suicide. He told me, yes, he had seen red flags of verbal abuse but, each time he thought it would get better once he was married.
This seared my heart and reminded me of the power of my words. The bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that “The tongue can bring death or life”, and in Psalm 52:2 it says: “Your tongue devises destruction: it’s like a sharpened razor, causing deception.” With our words, you and I have the power to deplete someone’s soul, or to bring new life, hope and joy. We have to realize that through the words that we speak, we have the power to literally destroy someone’s soul.
This is especially true in the people that are closest to us. Often times we can contain our emotions when we are around people that we are trying to impress, but then when we get home, we might feel this is the place to unleash all the pent up anger and frustrations of the day. Our home, which includes our spouses and children, should be the place where our words are filled with tenderness, love, compassion and most of all…kindness. All of us have frustrating days, but we must be to careful not to let these irritations end up on the end of our tongues where they literally have the power to diminish other people’s spirits and make them feel valueless.
You might say, “Well, I was so frustrated and angry I just couldn’t help myself.” Actually that is not true because we all have available to us the spirit of self-control, which is a fruit of the spirit. This spirit of self control gives us a 6 second window to hold our tongue, rethink our thoughts and reframe our words. We must stop and change our destructive, razor like words into words of kindness and tenderness. The bible tells us to be “kind and tenderhearted” toward each other. In our marriages, we must be obedient to this command if we want to enjoy many good years together.
The bible goes on to this: “Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything” Proverbs 13:13 NLT). Please; the next time you open your mouth to put someone down, or unleash your frustrations- STOP, Rethink and Reword your words so that they will bring forth life-not destruction. If you want a long, loving and healthy marriage, remember that powerof your words is all yours.
