Blog: relationships
Posted: December 17, 2024
There are moments and words that impact us profoundly and change our way of thinking and life. One of those times was when best selling author Gordon MacDonald spoke at our church on his book A Resilient Life. What stuck with me was on his chapter of friendships and challenging us to have an “inner circle” of friends who will help us finish well. After his presentation I spent some time with him and we continued that deeply satisfying conversation. The process starts with honest conversations. Within the next week I put Gordon’s words into action. I contacted three friends and arranged to meet them for breakfast once a month. We continued these lovely times of intimately sharing our lives, our joys and disappointments. Around that same time I also asked two other women to join me for a Bible Study and we continued these beautiful connecting times for over…
Posted in: accumulate experiences, adventure, all alone, ask for help, ask God, ask questions, authentic, be a blessing, Best friends, blessings, Christmas joy, circle of friends, companionship, Covid-19, Forgiveness, friends, Friendship, girlfriends, growing old, happiness needs to be shared, honesty, introvert, loneliness, make time for each other, Prayer deepens relationships, relationships, resilience, resilient, spiritual friendships, we are made for relationships, we need each other
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Posted: November 11, 2024
One of the simplest and most powerful ways to cultivate and deepen friendships is to pray together. It’s free. All it costs you is your time and commitment. When people ask me, “Heidi, when and how did you learn and love to pray?” My response is always: “Out of desperation.” Most of us learn to pray out of desperation. Grieving the deaths of two husbands I prayed fearlessly and passionately because I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. That’s why I can pray on the spot, in a group, in front of hundreds of people because I’m not praying to impress , I’m praying to my Abba Father who hears my prayers. We don’t pray to impress or sound smart or holy. For over 10 years, without missing a single month, I’ve been praying with two friends by Skype and now Zoom. One lives in Alabama and one…
Posted in: ask for help, ask God, Christ in us, Come to Jesus, disappointments, don't give up, Friendship, girlfriends, God's love, goodness of God, Intimacy, loneliness, make time for each other, one-another, Prayer, Prayer deepens relationships, Praying divides our burdens, praying with friends, presence of God, relationships, spiritual friendships, we need each other
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Posted: September 8, 2024
The single mom and I sat on the beach in our chairs, with our feet dangling in the warm lake water. The setting was glorious but the conversation was hard and I knew my friend needed some practical advice. As I listened and prayed (in my mind while she was speaking) I asked God to give me some words to give her hope. Immediately I remembered the five simple words that helped me through my darkest journey. Everything in life is temporary. As soon as I said these words her shoulders relaxed and I could see peace invade her heart. When we’re in the middle of suffering everything feels dark and hopeless and often we can’t see how that will ever change. We feel lost, alone and weak. Often times we feel stuck. Our difficult circumstances overwhelm us and darkness is all we can see. It drains the life and…
Posted in: a time for everything under the Heaven, adversity, alone, anxiety, anxious, ask for help, circumstances, Conflict, crisis, darkness, death, disappointments, Encouragement, Everything in life is temporary, Expectations, friends, gift of peace, grief, happy, Making Wise Choices, momentary trouble, one-another, Overcoming Struggles, Peace, Prayer, relationships, seasons of darkness, show up, temporary, troubles, waiting, we need each other
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Posted: August 4, 2024
Disappointments are part of every day life. We didn’t get that parking spot, the food didn’t match up to the price, and your flight was delayed or cancelled. The new outfit doesn’t look as great as you thought and the summer company you were excited about ended up causing chaos. Often we glibly say: “We need to just get over it.” But disappointments can leave us mildly irritated or they can crush our soul. Because there are disappointments that are life changing. They may not be a death but it actually feels like it. The Doctor told you it was multiple myeloma or brain tumour, you find out your grandchild is addicted to drugs or gambling, you discover your business is going bankrupt and you will lose the house you love. Your spouse tells you he/she don’t love you anymore. Those disappointments are like a death. I’ve talked to many…
Posted in: anxiety, chaos, crisis, cry, darkness, death, decisions, depression, despair, disappointments, empathy, empty soul, Expectations, feeling bad, Finding Truth, focus, friends, grief, lamenting, listen, mourn, Overcoming Struggles, relationships, seasons of darkness, sympathy, thankful, trouble, weeping
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Posted: June 10, 2024
We want to be nice girls so we stuff our feelings, paste on a plastic smile and carry on. Inwardly the heart churns and toxic fumes accumulate as we drink our own poison hoping the other person will die. Resentment is the number one killer of relationships, especially marriages. I consider myself an expert on this topic as I learned how to recognize and survive this toxic crisis in my first marriage. I recall how each time I felt resentment, I wanted to pick up a rock and throw it toward my enemy. But because I tried to have harmony in the home I hid the rock (my anger) and put it into a pretty little imaginary box where it would be nice and safe. I was clueless about the dangers of ultimate explosions. I did not know that resentment was: Feeling heartbroken after exerting a great deal of effort…
Posted in: accusations, adversity, angry, Anticipation, anxiety, ask God, Assumptions, betrayal, confront conflict, disappointments, do the hard work, don't give up, Expectations, faulty thinking, Finding Truth, forgive one another, frustrations, grit, healing, honest, Hope, messes, Offenses, Overcoming Struggles, power of words, relationships, Resentment, set free, shame, take care of your heart, Tension, trouble, Understanding each other, worry
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Posted: May 10, 2024
I’m not telling you I’m alone on Mother’s Day to feel sorry for myself, or for you to take pity on me. I’m alone and that’s just a fact. None of my children, step-children or grandchildren live near me and sometimes that really wounds. Mother’s Day is a big Hallmark moment with flowers and cards, and many women suffer silently knowing they are alone. This blog is for women who have to put on a brave face for Mother’s Day. “Above all else protect your heart”. (Proverbs 4:23) Since my husband’s death I’ve had to learn how to get through these lonely Hallmark moments. I prepare ahead of time. I’ve already booked myself in as a single on a golf course, and I’m already looking forward to it. Why not do the same…not golf but perhaps lunch or a hike with a friend? Maybe your way of overcoming loneliness is…
Posted in: all alone, alone, companionship, empathy, Encouragement, grit, hiking, loneliness, loneliness epidemic, make time for each other, Mothers Day, our children, Overcoming Struggles, relationships, take care of your heart, we need each other
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Posted: February 10, 2024
It’s the love month and I wonder how many of us are getting it right. I love what Rick Warren says in best selling book, “What on Earth Am I Here For?” He gets it right by quoting that the way to spell love is T.I.M.E. We can always earn more stuff, but we can never earn more time. One of life’s greatest regrets is: I wish I had spent more time with the people I love. Our restless nature craves to be understood, accepted and loved. But many have lost their way and are looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. Here are 4 ways to recapture and recalibrate our precious time. T – TAKE TIME TO LOOK UP AND DIG DOWN It’s time to lay down our technology, look into each other’s eyes and engage in intimate, honest and meaningful conversations. We must dig behind words and…
Posted in: Best friends, Boring marriage, Communication, companionship, expect the best, Expectations, Friendship, happiness, honesty, Intimacy, joy, love, make time for each other, Power of the Tongue, relationships, we need each other
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Posted: May 14, 2023
The first time it happened I was only four. “Mommy why are we stealing these lilacs?” “Do those pretty flowers belong to us?” I was bewildered as I watched my gentle mother on her tiptoes reaching and snapping the branches from the vintage purple lilac bush. Soon her arms were filled with bunches of purple and the succulent aroma made her smile from ear to ear. I must have been mistaken, my quiet and tender mother would never do anything wrong. Certainly not steal. Captivated by my mother’s joy I clung to her hand and bounced along as we headed back to our compact bungalow nestled in a small village in Germany. World War Two left bomb shelters, broken dreams and poverty throughout Germany. Yes, the rubble was being transformed into its former beauty and culture, but families were still struggling to re-establish their former lifestyle. My young and innocent…
Posted in: Acts of Service, ambiance, be creative, beauty, beauty and joy, beauty in God's creation, Families, gardening, God's creation, home sweet home, homes, lilacs, nature, relationships, stealing
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Posted: February 12, 2023
We crave connections and knowing we belong. The kinds of relationships that make us feel seen, heard and safe. Life refuses to be predictable and we all need spiritual friendships to help us navigate the crazy uncertainties of life these days. Trustworthy and spiritual friendships lovingly share their wisdom and guide us into places we’ve never been before. But it takes more than just one friend. We all want that BFF that “gets us” and we hope they will complete us in all ways. My pastor, Scott Lanigan, last weekend made it very clear that no one on this planet can complete us fully. That’s God’s job and He loves to do it! So our spiritual friendships are here to be the hands and feet of Jesus to help us be better, stronger, wiser and more loving. But we can’t expect one friend to fulfill all those roles. You probably…
Posted in: Ecclesiastes, a time for everything under the Heaven, adventure, ask for help, beauty and joy, Best friends, Bible Study, companionship, Encouragement, Friendship, girlfriends, God's love, happy heart, joy, Laughter, relationships, spiritual friendships, triple braided cord, we need each other
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Posted: December 11, 2022
It’s not always the big stuff that can push us over the Christmas edge; sometimes it’s an accumulation of multiple little things that cause fatigue. For example: Saturday I was going to start my Christmas baking of cookies and my never fail butter tarts. But I didn’t check my flour supply and forgot about the corn syrup for the filling. So in the middle of a big mess, with no makeup and without brushing my hair, I’m driving down snowy, slippery roads to my closest store; Wal-Mart. But they were out of corn syrup. So were two other stores. By the time I navigated all the parking, ran up and down a zillion aisles, stood in line to pay for one item, I’m struggling to keep smiling. Not to mention cancelled events, (for which I prepared) and wall-to-wall people in the mall. Each year I am determined to have a…
Posted in: anger, Anticipation, anxiety, Christmas fatigue, Christmas joy, disappointments, Exit plans, Expectations, Freedom from Busyness, frustrations, Move on, relationships, Resentment, rest, Say no, Simple, Solitude, take care of your heart
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